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Hope

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He wasn’t like the others. He didn’t set her heart ablaze nor did he hang the moon and the stars. But he didn’t have to. For she didn’t want any of those flashy gestures or feelings. She knew that with time those always faded. Instead, he calmed her soul every time he said her name. He brought life back to a heart that had long since been shut down for business. The simple caress of his hand against hers reminded her to breathe. The gentle touch of his lips to her reminded her of what it was like to feel wanted. The want for her in his eyes told her that he would want her forever. Forever, a limitless time frame, yet forever with him didn’t seem like enough time. She wanted to spend every second on this earth with him. She wanted a lifetime of memories. They didn’t all have to be happy because she realized that this isn’t how life worked. She was prepared for the happy, sad, and angry moments and memories in life because she would still cling to him. And she planned to be his rock in t...
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Grasp

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Grasp With wide eyes I stood there Taking every blow Taking every verbal abuse you threw my way Your words They sliced my skin Like the razor blade That was bound to slice it tonight Your hurtful words Never ceased to destroy my self-esteem. Every time I thought I was doing good You’d tear me down You couldn’t stand to see me happy Without you You In your mind is the only thing in this world Allowed to bring me joy One day I will leave you One day I will break free from your grasp One day Keeps on escaping me
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Fog

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Fog So thick and so bleak Rising over the river Filling the void of the night You You are like the fog You cloud my heart Wrapping ever so thickly around it Caressing with cold, dark, devilish fingers It hurts so bad, but I crave it When you’re gone I can’t help but long for your return I long for the freezing grasp of your control I long for the tingling sensation of my heart freezing Of my heart slowly stiffening and freezing Every time you leave or I disappoint you, A crack starts to form It hurts so bad, only to be cured by your harmful grasp
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101 Goals in 1001 Days

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11/13/2017 - 08/10/2020 1. Go to Colorado 2. Margaritaville 3. See Mountains 4. Fly on a plane 5. Go Camping 6. Visit 15 Museums (6/15) 7. Visit 5 national parks/battlefields/sites (1/5) 8. Go to Music Festival 9. Go to a wine tasting 10. Go on a vacation by myself 11. Stay at a bed and breakfast 12. Chicago 13. Hot Springs, AR 14. Move (Leave Springfield) 15. Bonne Terre Mines 16. Alley Springs 17. Meramec Caverns 18. Harry Truman Sites (2/4) 19. Go on a cruise 20. NOLA 21. Boston 22. Get a museum job 23. D.C. 24. Nashville 25. Kayaking 26. 5 art galleries/museums (2/5) 27. NYC 28. Go fishing 10 times (0/10) 29 Go to a Zoo 30. Wonders of Wildlife 31. MLB Game 32. NHL Game 33. Roller Derby 34. PBR 35. Race 36. 5 Rodeos (2/5) 37. Bingo 38. Lindsay Ell Concert 39. Brett Eldredge Concert 40. See a play 41. Read 4 works by Fitzgerald (2/4) 42. Drive In Movie 43. Read 140 new books (20/140) 44. Join a book club 45. Watch 10 TED Talks (2/10) 46....
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Let's Go

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Do you ever get this urge to run? To just drop everything that is currently going on in your life and just run away? Pack a bag and gas up your car and start driving? That’s how I feel every single day of my life. I just have this wild streak running through my blood. I want to see the world. I want to more than just see the world, I want to live it. I want to tangibly feel each and every city in my hand. Breath in the thick and smoggy air of New York. Soak in the Delta Blues. Bask in the sunshine in the middle of a field somewhere in the middle of Montana. I have this crazy notion stuck in my head telling me that I wasn’t just born to stay in one place and die there too. I was born to see the world. Born to walk alongside the Seine and take Holy Communion in a city that I cannot pronounce. I have this crazy notion that maybe I am not alone out here. That there are a multitude of people just like me, but they are too afraid to realize their full potential. Too afraid to spread their wi...
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You Never Think

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You never think you’re going to have to say goodbye to someone you love. We have this idea suck in our heads that our loved ones are going to live forever. That is until you get that phone call. That dreaded phone call. Within that minute your whole world falls to pieces. He’s gone. Forever. you’re never going to hear his voice again. you’re never going to feel his warm hand in yours again. You feel like you have no right to go on. If he’s gone why should you be here. But you must. You have to keep going on. The next days go by in a sad blur. They’re filled with pain and tears. You contemplate suicide. You curse god. You yell you scream you collapse. You collapse to the ground there is nowhere else to go. Nothing ever makes it better and nothing ever will.
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The Way Love Looks

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The sun is beating down on my face. Beads of perspiration slowly make their way down my face from my forehead. Bolts of sharp pain shoot up my back, it feels as though we have been sitting here for hours, though I know it has only been an hour at most. The boat is rocking back and forth in the middle of the lake as if it’s trying to rock us to sleep. In my hands is the splintered and warm from the sun wooden handle of an old fishing rod from yesteryear. You always insist on using those, since your grandfather gave them to you when you were just a small child. There is so much energy inside me that I feel that I am about to burst. I start rambling on and on about pointless gossip and the latest news, but you harshly shush me, because apparently I am going to scare away the fish. With an attitude I deeply sigh and quiet down. I take in the scenery around me. All I can see is water for miles and miles, clean and refreshing. I don’t know how many times we have spent hours out here fishing...
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