Grasp

-

Grasp
With wide eyes I stood there
Taking every blow
Taking every verbal abuse you threw my way
Your words
They sliced my skin
Like the razor blade
That was bound to slice it tonight
Your hurtful words
Never ceased to destroy my self-esteem.
Every time I thought I was doing good
You’d tear me down
You couldn’t stand to see me happy
Without you
You
In your mind is the only thing in this world
Allowed to bring me joy
One day
I will leave you
One day
I will break free from your grasp
One day
Keeps on escaping me



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Buzzing

101 Goals in 1001 Days

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11/13/2017 - 08/10/2020 1. Go to Colorado 2. Margaritaville 3. See Mountains 4. Fly on a plane 5. Go Camping 6. Visit 15 Museums (6/15) 7. Visit 5 national parks/battlefields/sites (1/5) 8. Go to Music Festival 9. Go to a wine tasting 10. Go on a vacation by myself 11. Stay at a bed and breakfast 12. Chicago 13. Hot Springs, AR 14. Move (Leave Springfield) 15. Bonne Terre Mines 16. Alley Springs 17. Meramec Caverns 18. Harry Truman Sites (2/4) 19. Go on a cruise 20. NOLA 21. Boston 22. Get a museum job 23. D.C. 24. Nashville 25. Kayaking 26. 5 art galleries/museums (2/5) 27. NYC 28. Go fishing 10 times (0/10) 29 Go to a Zoo 30. Wonders of Wildlife 31. MLB Game 32. NHL Game 33. Roller Derby 34. PBR 35. Race 36. 5 Rodeos (2/5) 37. Bingo 38. Lindsay Ell Concert 39. Brett Eldredge Concert 40. See a play 41. Read 4 works by Fitzgerald (2/4) 42. Drive In Movie 43. Read 140 new books (20/140) 44. Join a book club 45. Watch 10 TED Talks (2/10) 46....
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The Way Love Looks

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The sun is beating down on my face. Beads of perspiration slowly make their way down my face from my forehead. Bolts of sharp pain shoot up my back, it feels as though we have been sitting here for hours, though I know it has only been an hour at most. The boat is rocking back and forth in the middle of the lake as if it’s trying to rock us to sleep. In my hands is the splintered and warm from the sun wooden handle of an old fishing rod from yesteryear. You always insist on using those, since your grandfather gave them to you when you were just a small child. There is so much energy inside me that I feel that I am about to burst. I start rambling on and on about pointless gossip and the latest news, but you harshly shush me, because apparently I am going to scare away the fish. With an attitude I deeply sigh and quiet down. I take in the scenery around me. All I can see is water for miles and miles, clean and refreshing. I don’t know how many times we have spent hours out here fishing...
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You Never Think

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You never think you’re going to have to say goodbye to someone you love. We have this idea suck in our heads that our loved ones are going to live forever. That is until you get that phone call. That dreaded phone call. Within that minute your whole world falls to pieces. He’s gone. Forever. you’re never going to hear his voice again. you’re never going to feel his warm hand in yours again. You feel like you have no right to go on. If he’s gone why should you be here. But you must. You have to keep going on. The next days go by in a sad blur. They’re filled with pain and tears. You contemplate suicide. You curse god. You yell you scream you collapse. You collapse to the ground there is nowhere else to go. Nothing ever makes it better and nothing ever will.
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